Luego de escribir el post 8 cosas que no debes hacer si tu pareja es infiel, mucha gente conocida, amigos y contactos de redes sociales de ambos géneros me pidieron que escribiera la contraparte del mencionado post. Por eso y en caso de que tu actual crisis de pareja sea a razón de una infidelidad por parte de «ella», te sugiero amigo, que consideres fría y seriamente, no hacer esto:
1. Responsabilizarla a un 100%. ¿Y tu parte qué? ¿Acaso no es un relación de dos? Ella no se aventuró a una noche loca ni a involucrarse en una relación de amantes de la nada. Sé que tú no la obligaste con un revólver a ser infiel pero de seguro convivías con «El revólver» cerca. Vivir con armas o bombas de tiempo es una «condición insegura». Quiero decir, te arriesgaste a dejarla sola, a desvincularte de sus intereses, a no tomar en cuenta su opinión, desatendiste lo que valoraba y era importante para ella, generaste en general condiciones inseguras y vulnerables en tu relación que valdrá la pena revisar en retrospectiva antes del acto infiel. La infidelidad puede ser una causa lógica de una vida de pareja insatisfecha. Aunque no lo aceptes ahora, tú tienes una cuota de responsabilidad en esto.
2. No hablar de ello con ella. En las condiciones en las que estás, ¿aún crees que levantar más barreras y muros sentimentales te ayudará en algo? Esto reforzará más la distancia emocional e indiferencia afectiva, que ambos sienten. Entiendo que es más justificable culturalmente, al menos en occidente, que un hombre sea infiel. En Latinoamérica, por ejemplo, a un hombre le celebran una infidelidad mientras que a una mujer la condenan. A diferencia de un hombre, una mujer puede dejar pasar un episodio de infidelidad, lo que no es igual a callárselo o no hablar de eso luego con alguien. El hombre por el contrario, no habla de eso. Difícilmente le dice a un amigo: -¡Compadre buen día! ¡Por acá [TU NOMBRE] me puso los cuernos! ¿Y qué haces hoy? El ego masculino no habla de eso, y menos todavía, de esa manera. Y a pesar de que no lo haga tan resueltamente, el ego debería hallar una manera de hacerlo para sanar. No te calles. Busca tu manera y el momento.
3. No la crucifiques ni satanices. Si vas a hablar de ello con ella, no te vayas al extremo. No la perturbes criticando su falta hasta agobiarla. No conviertas lo que debería ser una primera conversación de acercamiento en un vía crucis. Ofenderla con palabras, sin acordarte antes de tu hermana y tu madre, no es un acto justo, sabio, magnánimo ni admirable de un «Rey» que busca la devoción de su pueblo. Satanizarla, contándole a todos lo que hizo hasta convertirte en un publicista de su infidelidad, tampoco les hará ganar un Oscar. Todo lo contrario, si ambos han decidido tomar parte a favor de la relación, esto incluirá de uno a tres niveles más de dificultad a la reconciliación. Piénsatelo bien.
4. No la obligues a tener sexo. Si ella no quiere es porque sabe que es incapaz de hacerlo. No hay conexión. Quizás lo haga para complacerte pero no será por el deseo genuino de entregarse afectivamente a ti. Las mujeres se relacionan de maneras más emotivas, sentimentales, más románticas o incluso más eróticas. Puesto que es obvio que actualmente ella no se está relacionando contigo, ni tú con ella, de esta manera, el acto de obligarla a satisfacerte sexualmente no le resultará una experiencia de placer sino de coerción y maltrato. Una relación sexual no consentida es una violación sexual, que además de originar trastornos psicológicos es penalizada por la ley. Te sale cárcel y bien merecida.
5. Reconciliarte sin otorgar confianza. Otorgas confianza a alguien cuando la sientes, no la otorgas porque te la pidan. Si no sientes confianza por ella no tiene sentido por ahora una reconciliación. Es mejor la opción temporal de una separación. En el caso de un matrimonio, puede resultar conveniente una separación temporal de cuartos que no dure mucho tiempo. La confianza puede llegar a reconstruirse sólo si hay votos compartidos de reconciliación. Para ello, ambos deben haber agotado antes la vía armamentista y el escenario bélico.
6. Acosarla sin promesa de reconciliación de su parte. Cuando no hay tregua de reconciliación o existe una declaración expresa de terminar la relación por parte de ella, es absurdo que persigas, espíes y acoses a quien no quiere estar contigo. Es absurdo. Simplemente rayas en lo patológico. Es el paso definitivo para perderla. Y lo estás dando tú.
7. Mantener la expectativa de una reconciliaron que no tiene tregua de tu parte. De forma inversa, si eres tú el que no quiere nada con ella, ¿qué haces manteniendo una expectativa de reconciliaron que no vas a concretar? Puedes tener mil respuestas en tu cabeza para esta pregunta pero al final te diré lo único que realmente haces: «Pierdes el verdadero recurso no renovable de la historia de todos los tiempos: Tu tiempo».
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